Quotes on Gratitude

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy.

they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

Proust points out that we thrive thanks to the generosity of those who care for us through their actions or by simply being there. This quote reminds me that those are people I often take for granted.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

William Arthur Ward

Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.”

Albert Schweitzer

One of the benefits of practicing gratitude, is that we may realize how often our appreciation goes unexpressed to others. It feels good when someone says thank you and you know they really mean it.

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

Oprah Winfrey

"Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty."

Doris Day

I love how this points to the importance of our perspective, how we look at things. Do we see the glass as half empty? Or can we think about it in another way, and see the glass as half full?

“In the late evening, on the road to nowhere,
I turned and saw the sky broken by the crescent moon
A yellow light spilled out from its curve
And I felt a sudden rush of thankfulness.”

Louise Bogan

What Comes After Dry January?

It would have been hard to make it through last month without reading or hearing about Dry, dry-ish, or damp January. Every year during the past decade more people have joined the Dry January movement to start the new year in a more sober state. The uptick in participants may in part relate to cultural changes. Twenty-somethings don’t drink as much as their Millenial or Gen X predecessors; cannabis is legal in many states, and in recent years there has been an increase in mindful or intentional drinking and sober curiosity. Offerings of mocktails and no alcohol beverages have surged to meet customer demand. The news has also been flooded with warnings about the harmful effects of alcohol.

Reports of alcohol leading to an early grave is important to most of us, and efforts to achieve longevity and preserve brain health are in the news. Everyone seems to know alcoholic liver disease is associated with alcohol abuse and that pregnant women should not drink. But links between alcohol and cancer, in particular breast and colon cancers, is scary news to some. Declarations that no amount of alcohol is safe can be confusing, especially because this follows years of us hearing that red wine is good for the heart. No one, including the surgeon general knows how much alcohol is safe, if any. While it’s easy to scoff at the wide swings of the pendulum for food and beverage safety, it’s hard to dismiss all the cautions about drinking.

People reassess their drinking habits for a lot of reasons. Some people want to get back to pre-pandemic levels of drinking, others notice they drink more in retirement, and I frequently see patients who increased their use alcohol to cope with a stressful event. If you joined the Dry January crowd and found you slept better, had more energy, or enjoyed a healthy detox you may not want to lose momentum. You may decide to carry sobriety over to Dry February, practice mindful drinking, or switch to low or no alcohol containing beverages at least some of the time.

No Alcohol Beverages

My search for low or no alcohol beverages started when I noticed that alcohol sometimes interrupted my sleep. Those who know me well know I love to get my 8 or 9 hours of sleep. That is my magic elixir! Luckily, no alcohol beverages are popular now. I asked a salesman at a large liquor store about no alcohol wine. He told me he didn’t sell much of it, that mostly he sold what he referred to as N/A beer. At a social gathering recently, I heard several people say they had tried no alcohol beer. I didn’t hear any enthusiasm for no alcohol wines. The increase in no alcohol beverage sales is mainly thanks to the beer industry because no alcohol beer can taste very similar to the real thing. One good example is Stella Artois. A friend prefers the IPA, Sierra Nevada. There are a lot of similar products that are options for people who want to limit alcohol but still enjoy the social aspect or refreshment of beer.

The low demand for low alcohol wines is not surprising. They mostly taste watered down or are too sweet. Low alcohol beer isn’t needed because most don’t get much lower than typical light beers which are both low in calories and lower in alcohol content. Heineken Light has one of the lowest alcohol contents I've seen. Other low alcohol beverage options include some hard siders, cocktails purposely made with less alcohol (easier if you are making them at home for yourself) and wine spritzers made of 1/2 white wine and 1/2 spritzer or carbonated water, flavored with a twist of lemon or lime. Martinelli Sparkling Cider is also an option. Restaurants understand their customers want a choice of alcohol or no alcohol beverages, and many offer creative mocktails on their menus.

Think Before You Drink

People have various reasons for drinking less: personal preference, health, pursuit of longevity, or saving money. Though the pandemic’s role was mixed with few social event, some people drank more liberally to cope with boredom and loneliness during the Covid lockdown. Whatever the reasons for limiting alcohol, the mantra of ‘think before you drink’ makes sense to a lot of people.

So, what comes after Dry January? It may be mindful moderation. This is the practice of carefully considering whether to abstain or to drink on any particular occasion, and if you do drink to think through the pros and cons of a second or a third. Consider what the cost may be. You may pay the price of disrupted sleep, heartburn, or unwanted calories.

I don't expect drinking to become taboo like cigarettes. The percentage of Americans who drink has remained a steady 2/3 of the population throughout the past 75 years according to the Pew Research Center. However, some of us may adopt a more reasoned approach. Dry January may lead to Dry February and beyond. If you benefited from abstinence or from drinking less alcohol, then there is good reason to think before you drink. If you are part of the roughly 30% of Americans who do not drink alcohol then keep doing what you’re doing. If you didn't participate in Dry January you haven’t missed your chance to practice mindful moderation. You can do this at any time, and there's always Sober October.

Mind Games

Try mindful moderation. Think before you drink by asking yourself if you truly want an alcohol-containing beverage or if sparkling water is fine. Consider the reason you want a drink and if there is a cost to it. If there is a downside then identify what that is likely to be. For instance, you might ask yourself if that first or second drink is worth a restless night’s sleep or if you prefer a to have a ginger ale and an undisturbed slumber.

New Journey for a New Year-Part II

In last week’s post I promised to tell you my New Year’s resolution. If you haven’t read Part I, I suggest you begin there. Originally my resolution was to start a mental health blog where I would post new content every Saturday. For several years, I had considered creating mental health content for nonprofessionals. Now that I had a private practice website, the addition of a weekly mental health blog made sense. And what better time to start than the new year!

On the surface that sounded great, but posting every week wouldn't be easy. It would be an obligation, and maybe more of a commitment than I wanted. I needed to answer some questions: (1) Did I want to spend my time writing a blog? (2) Did I have enough ideas for weekly posts? (3) Would it be fun, or would a deadline lead to unwanted stress? Last week’s post listed some challenges of keeping a resolution: magical thinking, perfectionism, and difficulty level. I considered those potential pitfalls to answer my questions.

I tested my plan for magical thinking. The blog would not write itself! I freed up some time when I left my salary position for self-employment. But did I want to spend that precious time writing a blog? I haven't tried it before, so I didn't have experience to learn from. There was also worry about doing a good job with an unfamiliar task. I knew that writing could be like putting together a 1000 -word puzzle, an all-around frustrating experience.

I considered perfectionism which can be a writing trap. It can get in the way of getting things done. Most of us have heard the adages that make this point, “perfect is the enemy of good” and “perfect or “published”. The idea is to know when something is good enough. Writing requires reviewing, rewriting, and passing one's eye of self-criticism. In my case, I imagined a scenario of frustration, perfectionism, procrastination, and mounting anxiety as the Saturday deadline loomed. If I was to avoid that emotional tap dance, I needed to ditch the deadline. If I was honest with myself, the pressure of posting every week would get me bogged down by my blog.

How about the difficulty of my proposal. Posts start with ideas; I didn't anticipate a problem with this since I would be writing on a broad subject. Given enough time I felt confident I could put ideas to paper. One of the biggest difficulties for me would be the strict timeline of publication. Another problem could be the yearlong commitment. If I didn't like writing a blog, then I had to be okay to say that. I had to be okay with making a course correction and putting my energy elsewhere.

I didn't abandon my resolution. However, by probing the initial resolution I found a critical weak spot. The SMART framework highlighted the threat of a strict timeline, and it helped me clarify exactly what I would do to increase the chance of success and decrease the likelihood of self-reproach. The SMART framework below shows how I applied this technique to my New Year's resolution.

Specific: I will add a general mental health blog to my jtpsych.com website.

Measurable: I will assess the interval between posts at the end of each month. I will track the readership analytics that Squarespace provides. I'll use a numeric rating scale to rate the level of satisfaction the blog generates for me.

Achievable: I will start each post at the beginning of the week and write on the days I do not have appointments scheduled. I will add ideas for the blog to the notes section on my iPhone.

Relevant: A mental health blog is important to me because one of my purposes in life is to help others with their emotional well-being.

Time-bound: I will post the first entry to the blog by the end of January and post regularly for the next six months.

My process was to think through potential problems. Once I considered personal goals, commitments, and personality style I saw that modifying the timeline would make success more likely. The SMART framework provided an outline that allowed me to pinpoint the time-bound aspect of my goal as the most problematic area. Originally, I imagined a post every Saturday for 12 months, but that was too ambitious. I'll find out if writing in this format is for me. I'm certain to learn along the way. I hope you will too. After all, it's a journey.

New Journey for the New Year

If you made a New Year's resolution this year, then you are in the company of 1/3 or more of all Americans. If you have already given up on yours, then you are like most of those people. It's so common to give up on resolutions that the second Friday of January has been referred to as ‘Quitters Day’. Yet there is a small group who stick with it, about 10% of people who make New Year's resolutions keep them. If you aren’t a member of that club, how do you join them?

The practice of reflecting on the old to bring in the new is an ancient practice. The idea of a fresh start is exciting, so much so that some of us do it every year, only to disappoint ourselves on repeat. Why does this happen?

What Goes Wrong?

Magical thinking

We may put off tough challenges until January 1st because we imagine that somehow reaching our goal will be easier then, our determination will be stronger that day. Years ago, farmers assessed their crops and decided how to modify spring planting. But today we mostly aim to improve ourselves by eating healthier, losing weight, exercising more, or stopping bad habits. The problem is that we wake up to a January 1st that it is much the same as the days before it. We wake up our ordinary selves, without that needed infusion of willpower. It's common to make the same resolution this year that we made last year, and unless we plan for something to change, we are unlikely to reach our goals. It's like that well-known quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If we have tried to change in the past, there may be lessons in our failures. We can use that experience to avoid the same pitfalls.

Perfectionism

Of course, being perfect is impossible. Those who succeed are not people who do things perfectly. Those who succeed are "good enough". They accept the reality of their lives, adjust to that reality, and persevere. They hit a snag, pick themselves up, and get back on track. They may have cheated on their diet one day or two days, but on the third day they don't waive the white flag of defeat; they get back to the battle. Remind yourself that you did not resolve to be perfect (I hope), so in the spirit of the understanding you would extend to a friend who goofed up, forgive yourself.

This is too hard!

OK, it is hard. If it were easy, you would've done it already. There are a couple of good questions to ask yourself: 1) Why change? Be honest about this. Unless you have an excellent reason to do things differently, you probably won't; 2) Is this a priority for you right now? Your resolution is important to you, or you wouldn't have made it in the first place. But to do things differently in your life, you will likely have to give up something; 3) Is your plan realistic or is it too ambitious?

Find success

Plan for change

If you are certain about your goal, then start with a plan. Think about potential obstacles and how to deal with them, also brainstorm about ways to make the task easier. For example, let's say you want to be more physically fit, but last year your resolution was to get up before work and go for a run outside. What went wrong? Perhaps you are a night owl with a history of hitting the snooze button, and you have never liked running. Clearly that resolution needs to be modified. First, applaud your decision to get into better physical fitness. Second, don't run, walk. Third, since you are a morning person, how about taking a walk on your lunch break. These modifications may increase your chance of success because now your resolution fits into your lifestyle, and it acknowledges your personal characteristics.

It's a journey

You may get off course, feel like a failure, and give up completely. If you vowed to lose pounds, one tip is to reframe your diet as a journey toward weight loss. Have you ever gone on a trip and took a wrong turn? If so, instead of going ahead unsure if you would reach your destination, you probably corrected your course. The same applies to your weight loss journey. Figure out what wrong turn you took and make a course correction.

Use SMART goals

You may have heard of smart goals, a management technique that has been in practice for several decades. It is a tool to help people think about what they intend to do, why they are doing it, how they will do it, and what obstacles may get in their way. You may find it helpful to write your goal in the SMART format as outlined below.

• Specific: What do you intend to achieve?

• Measurable: How will you track your progress?

• Achievable: What makes this goal realistic?

• Relevant: Why is reaching this goal meaningful to you?

• Time bound: When will you do this?

  Mind Games

Put your New Year's resolution into the SMART framework to help you achieve your goal—even if it's not January 1st!

In next week's blog post I'll share my resolution with you and show you how I used the SMART tool to clarify my 2025 new Year's resolution!